just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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