The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
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