somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
is it fun? or sober?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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