So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
