I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i wish my penis had a tongue
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize