And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
