My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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