So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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