As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Non-Jews are for practice
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize