shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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