Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Congratulations! We have a period
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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