As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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