I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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