remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
