Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize