True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
So. Much. Porn.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
