We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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