We need to rekindle our bromance
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize