dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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