I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
