You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
