exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
