You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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