so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
