Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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