I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
