the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
