careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
