FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
