I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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