i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
