Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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