it hurts more in the daytime
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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