Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
