I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
