Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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