The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
