I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
