she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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