also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
