You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
