This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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