no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
