I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
