I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize