it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
