I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
