I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
