I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
