i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
