Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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