btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
