well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just tell him i said nine months
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
