We're facebook friends in real life
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
