I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So much rum. So many feels.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dick very happy bro
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
