Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
