Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
