listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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