Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
