someone threw a dead crab at me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
