I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
BRING THE BAGELS
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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