Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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