you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
