Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
