The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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